Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
It went good. I have some issues still. One, I'm confused about touch. But I don't feel like talking about that right now. Two, I worry about her health. Three, she says she's not judgmental, but she said something tonight that was judgmental. That actually really bothers me. I did email her about it. She used the excuse that she was just stating facts. But when you use facts about someone else to make yourself feel better, that's being judgmental.
|
Can you share what she said? Sometimes I feel like I hear something as judgmental because of the state of mind that I'm in. And taking a nonjudgmental stance doesn't mean we never make judgments it just means we are aware of them and check facts before making them (if they're necessary).
Quote:
|
Also, she said she is NOT available to me 24/7 right now. Because I'm not in their DBT group, she is not my DBT therapist. She is my individual therapist until then. I find that odd, but whatever.
|
This makes sense. The idea is that once you've gone through all the skills, you don't need the 24/7 support. It's basically skills coaching.
Quote:
|
She said that when she is available to me 24/7, if I call, then I have to be willing to follow her advice. I told her I would, but only if the coping skills are agreed upon beforehand. She looked confused. I told her that if her advice is to do something like jumping jacks, I'm going to tell her no.
|
Willingness is key. She's going to suggest a skill not a specific action necessarily
For example, if I call my T and I'm struggling with SUI thoughts or SI urges, he'd probably suggest I go for a walk or I call a friend, or urge surfing or distraction and he'll work with me on how to implement that. When I've been in high emotion, I've had him talk me through facts, so I check the facts and realize my emotion intensity doesn't fit the situation and we get me back down to manageable levels.
Quote:
I did learn one thing from her today. I've been using the wrong type of coping skills when I'm depressed. No wonder they weren't working  I kept trying to calm myself down when I'm depressed. She said that's good, but what helps most is to the opposite. So when I'm depressed, my emotions are low, so I should do something to increase my mood: something I enjoy, a funny movie, comedians, etc. When I'm anxious, that is the best time to use calming coping skills since my emotions are high. Makes sense. I'll have to give it a try.
|
Good advice
Quote:
I'm not sure about her though. Are all these things warning signs? Or could they simply be her flaws? No one is perfect. How do I know if she's a good fit for me. I am filled with so much self doubt because of ex-T. I don't want to invest into a relationship that won't work. How do you know? I want it to work (mostly because I don't want to go T shopping). And I do like her. She has a great personality. We were laughing a lot today. But idk. Something feels off. Like we're not in sync. This is going to sound conceited, but I think I'm smarter than her. But she does have a lot of life experience.
My head/logic is sure conflicting with my heart/emotions a lot lately. I wish I knew which one is right. Do I quit? Keep going? I don't know if I can handle looking for another T. I wish things were more clear right now. There's too much unknown.
|
I'd say it's too soon to quit. She's a person. She's going to say and do dumb things (yup, judgment) at times. My T certainly has. And my T has actually told me I'm smarter than him
The sync thing might just be a time factor. You might just need to keep those lines of communication open so you can learn this new relationship. It might be a personality thing in which case, I'd encourage you (later) to find a DBT T that fits your personality.
Opposite to emotion works here. There's fear and apprehension and instead of avoiding, the goal is to move forward towards that which we are afraid of. I've been doing that myself this week. It's a lot harder than it sounds
