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Old Jun 15, 2007, 06:39 PM
Meta Meta is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2006
Posts: 277
Dear Fuzzy,
I wanted to cry when I first read your post several days ago. I couldn't respond at that time because my feelings were too intense.
I think I know how you feel. It must be terrible for people who had good relationships with their mother to lose them. I don't want to compare heartaches, but believe it or not I feel a little upset when people who were close to mothers and lost them talk about missing their mothers. My mother for all intents and purposes "died" about 40 years ago when I was 7. Her physical death didn't occur until last fall.
She had a very horrible childhood as an orphan during the Depression and things didn't get better when she got married to my father who also had a horrible childhood which culminated in him fighting in WWII as a teenager where twice he was seriously injured.
Any way my father was alcoholic at least from the time I was 7. My siblings and I endured horrible childhoods. My mother became depressed and then psychotic, and there was really never any kind of relationship. Same with my father.
Believe it or not I get jealous when I read some of the Alzheimer's stories because inevitably they are about people who had wonderful parents and now they are dealing with the horrors of Alzheimer's and the adult children are grieving. I can't relate because I don't have a relationship to mourn, I only can mourn for what I never had. And it makes me feel like a terrible person because I get resentful.

Take care fuzzy, and love to you and everyone else who has lost or never had a mother.

Meta
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Bipolar disorder with very long depressions and short hypomanic episodes. I initially love the hypomanic episodes until I realize they inevitably led to terrrible depressions. I take paroxetine, lamotrogine and klonopin.