Hello forum,
I am a 23 year old female
I have a doc appointment tomorrow, where hopefully they will refer me to a Pdoc and I can be diagnosed.
This idea that I might be on the bipolar spectrum came about after I developed PTSD in conjunction to the amount of similarities my and my performance director have; for months i've been brushing it off as coincidence that we think i'm such a similar way- generally 5 thoughts at a time, with inflated ego, and both of us literally striving to achieve the physically impossible/improbable.However, when a therapist told me that I would have to be diagnosed before they could work with me, due to the fact I felt like this PTSD enhanced traits with I got worried.

Almost by chance I have been studying rhythm with my director, mostly in movement but we have touched on emotions. For my theatre work I will generally look into psychology, and it was here I discovered more about my directors condition (bipolar) and it was like reading a character description for myself... the late night writing about the world (which i've done since a teenager at least) the over spending, the irritation and hyperactivity. Then those days where I am being stalked by a tiny violin player (no need for details there)... even the acrobatic skill we have been working on could be classed as a trait in itself (masochistic, my approach to it is reckless with little consideration to pain or injury, the fact I am self taught in such a demanding discipline)

I know no one here can tell me a diagnosis. That I will have to wait for. But I am wondering how to make the waiting easier? How do I stop evaluating every action, thought and feeling, because now i've thought about it, I can't seem to drop it very easily.

I am sorry for this post, if it is out of line in any way shape or form. Its just I don't feel like I can speak to anyone right now, and in the UK we wait a long time to be treated (NHS being underfunded) I am too scared to speak with my director, because what if I am wrong and come off as insulting to her? I wouldn't want to upset her in any way because I really care for her. Hence I am here, trawling a forum in search of methods for peace of mind, i don't think a standard Doc will know how to inform me on keeping myself calm.

Thanks

Chinese Monkey