I feel that I and probably many others here can relate to much of what you post. Please keep reaching out here if you can, many people find posting here to be helpful, in addition to therapy (and meds if prescribed). I notice that you're from the UK. I (and others here..) have found therapy on the NHS to be a little.... underfunded. I've been where you are, it sucks, I'm still here though... I wish you peace, positive energy and healing. Hope to read more of your posts

PS I just read your first post. Please see your GP and let them know how distressed you are feeling..
We're here too for support