Lapaull, I'm in the same boat as you with the exception that my three kids are teenagers. I too have a spouse who seems to have infinite patience. She's bewildered whenever I thank her for that.

Fizzyo, I couldn't agree more. I can't resist adding this:

My therapist once told me she's lost three patients and treated numerous survivors who were struggling in the aftermath. She said families are often irreparably damaged. Awful, of course, but hardly surprising. Then she said something that hit me right between the eyes: "You can almost predict the dissolution based on when it (the tragedy) happened."

Whether studies back up her observation I have no idea, but it sure rang true. Ever since, whenever ideation threatens to pull me under, her observation pops into my head. Not by any conscious effort, it just bubbles up unbidden. "OK, so this is unbearable," says the voice in my head. "But if you put an immediate end to it here's what will happen..."

I imagine a small asteroid slamming into the ocean. My wife and kids live on a near island and are of course devastated. They struggle for years, their lives permanently altered. But the damage hardly ends there. My extended family on far shores suffer, too, along with everyone who ever knew me, the damage varying only in degree. Future generations won't escape, either. The internet will make sure of that.

A melodramatic metaphor, perhaps, but there it is. It seems to me that if my current state is the "new normal" and I have to put up with it until the end of my natural life, the sum of all the pain from this day to that will be nothing compared to what all those innocent people would suffer. I believe most of those who lost their battle had a similar thought at some point. The notion that they "gave up" (or worse, "were selfish") is inconceivable to me, and frankly infuriating.

If the above is long-winded or over the top please accept my apology. (If that comes across as an awful "if anyone was offended by what I said" not-pology, the fault is entirely mine.)

Thank you for sharing your experiences.