Wow! I have been looking for an online CPTSD group for weeks now and stumbled across this by mistake!

My very first post that I read, I thought OMG this is me.

Sorry, I'm a hyper person, so I'll try to keep the !!! to a limit.

I was emotionally abused by my mother and abandoned by my father. I think my development "arrested" at around the age of 3. While I am surely an adult and can be responsible, certain situations can spiral me in to a flash back that can be filled with anxiety, panic, shame, fear and helplessness.

I tried therapy a few years ago and did make some progress. I made the choice to let my mother stop being my mother. I quit hoping that she would one day become the loving, caring person that I really needed her to be, instead of the micro-managing, self-involved, victim that she's played her entire life.

When my therapist wanted me to begin trying to make contact with my inner-child, for some reason I was filled with rage and couldn't do it. I was SOOOO mad at this little kid.

But recently I tried again. It wasn't really anything special, I just made some positive, supportive statements to her. I reminded her that she wasn't alone and that she always has me to take care of her. I'm just going to say right here.. it freaked me out that she talked back.

So I'm not crazy??

We've been talking for about a week. She really frustrates me because she is so stubborn and gets her feelings hurt so easily. then she gets mad and she's just done. She's afraid of everything. Loud noises, no noise, yelling and she interprets facial expressions, responses and gestures as personal and intended towards hurting her. Sometimes, its all I can do to calm her down.

I had no idea this was going on inside me.

Anyway, Hi