Hi.

My father is an ACoA he has this compulsive need to control. I am not able to eat or drink water in his presence cause of his monitoring, I get a feeling that he is counting my bites or sips. When I open my eyes now, I got myself into a practice of walking 20 minutes to one artesian well in my city, every second day at around 9-11pm to pour a water into 2L bottle and hide it in my room only so I could drink when I have need to.

I get it, it went too far, and this is not the only issue, but cause of too many unspoken or pointed out weird behaviors, it is easier to- and I got myself modifying my activities pretty much. He is 65 and his pride don't even allow him to learn to use mobile phone.

My mother is another issue, she just recently took a leading role in some local evangelistic church (she is also pretty controlling, but in her, religious own way). Both of them act like they never made one single mistake in their lives and there is not even an option for them to question their own behavior. Every their wrongdoing is deniable - of course, in this social experiment called 'family', there is no higher power who will judge them.

I can't remember when was the last time someone pointed out some problem in our relationships and tried to find the solution. Everybody are 'perfect'. When I tried to do that, I touched a godlike image of parents, and after too many times of putting my finger into electricity, I gave up. Our family conversations are so fake, so in a fog, so indirect, so triangulated, codependent..

Sometimes I understand them, but then, there is no time left for my needs, plans... when I need to study, my concentration is lost in that fog, trying to find a way out of that codependency.

I can't get rid of this creepy feeling that someone is constantly looking at me from a 'dead angle' - whenever I look aside, I get this feeling that my mother or a father are looking at me like when an animal is preparing to jump onto its pray. Every information I give them about my life or activities, they use it covertly to put me under control - and I am 32.
And I am so tired of trying to find my own space in this tough codependency.

I'm sorry I went all over the place, the title is for sure one of ACoA traits, but I wrote it down from my perspective, as a son of an ACoA.
Please say something about this issue from your perspective or if you have an opinion to my story. Thanks!