Ah, the chase. I know that depression can be magnified with more exposure to manias, and being BPII I am supposed to have more depression than hypomanias, but because of the nature of my personality, my depressive episodes are very hard to identify.

I have only seriously thought about suicide twice. Once as a young child (5 years old), and once two winters ago. I feel as though i only become depressed situationally (missed opportunity, failed something i expected to succeed at, rejection from something i felt entitled to, ect.). After my hypomanias, i tend to return to baseline.

I will report on the light box; I am hoping it at least gives me some motivation if not an intense amount of energy. The winter blues sometimes come for me, but i also find the winter season beautiful. It is bizarre how the spring and summer months effect me more than winters.. maybe it is that half way through the winter is christmas and new years which is always a fun event.