Wow. His gender issues or possible PSTD diagnosis aside, do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship like this? Sex and intimacy are a huge part of a successful relationship. Sounds to me that he has some resentment built up against you, and naturally yours is probably growing as well. I agree with the 'for better or for worse' and I take the marriage commitment seriously, but only so far as my partner is committed to me. The problem with 'better or for worse' is that it obligates the committed partner to keep on trying even after the noncommitted partner has stopped. I've made that mistake once already and don't recommend that others do the same.

And you know what? I can recall my ex-husband saying the same thing about him being a lesbian. I didn't really take it seriously -- I attributed it to him trying to say that he identified more with women's feelings than with men's. He wasn't the typical Man's Man. He also had the same intimacy problems and emotional wall that your husband does. He also eventually dumped me. So, that's where I'm coming from. Hopefully your situation has some improvements.