My help isn't helping. I'm doing it alone see that's my point. I can't get near people rather confuse,my intentions and push everyone away. I need to keep to myself and stay distant from negative people.
Everyone in my life now is doing more harm than good. Maybe if I hit the relationship lottery and have someone understand me than listen. I destroyed bridges I didn't want nor mean to because I couldn't tell who was friend or enabler of my issues with abuse.

See therapy is just venting time nothing I can get out other than that. Honestly I need to keep loneliness going till I figure it all out that I don't want to jump into anything. No matter what. I feel doubtful but I have faith its currently serves me well.

Rather the people be out for themselves like me, but they show no respect in the end and when I do I get told I'm a *****. Like the people in with don't get me rather shut me out like I don't belong subconsciously even when they drink its more obvious how this demeanor is.

I love how the girls are so open with them and or me but if I'm with them they push me like they own everything that comes my way. I don't act likes I matter they tread on my boundaries too much. Honestly, what is unconditional love. Ik its acceptance and trust and sharing of happiness but what does that feel like. Seriously I don't know.

I'm not sure what to do if it panned out, I end up either being too emotionally unavailable or just flat out neglectful. Who knows, I do have mindfulness and choices but honestly why wait on anyone. I never waited for love ik I wont get it and I can't lie to myself.