It seems our problems in our marriage is always about the money.

Years ago when we started our relationship I was a better earner, had the car, got the housing subsidy etc. We split the domestic expenses. I paid the maid (was working full time), paid for the groceries, gardener, maintained my own car, my own medical insurance etc. supported my daughter who is now independant.

Now 15 years later my husband is the only one contribution to our financial state and it seems to irk him in no small way. For the past 7 years we have been expatriates. I gave up country, career, loved ones etc etc to follow because he was the one at the time earning more money and the one making it possible for us to leave our own country. (something he will not let me forget). when I arrived here I found it was more difficult getting a similar job with a good salary as I had back home. I changed my career somewhat at first and now 7 years later is doing something far different.

Our first expat experience lasted 4 years and then we moved to another country. The first 4 years was rocky but I eventually got a good job with an excellent salary. 1 year after I took this job my husband got paid off because he decided that he cannot and will not work with the new MD and told them so. I left my job, moved with him and we stayed 2 years. Again they let him go due to affirmative action and we find ourselves back in the country we started off in. He gets a reasonable salary but nowhere as good as before. We have been here now for almost 1 year again. 2 years ago he decided that his son should live with us as his son's mother could not control him anymore. Schooling has proven to be extremely expensive, to the tune of 2 months salary for 1 school year. My husband also decided that he wants a good car and bought an ultra luxury car - we have only one car. Not any of these 'financial' issues he discussed with me prior to making them. Our holidays are usually 'decided' by him and I cannot really argue as I am not contributing. When we chose a house it was a bit above our budget but very central and of a reasonable size. He has been nagging that we should move for either the same rent or cheaper. There is not much out there for what we are paying now, unless one is prepared to downgrade considerably.

Now tonight he says to me that I am capable of earning more money and that I should start contribution towards our life together.

Should I contribute financially when I am the only one contributing domestically, gardening, cooking, washing, shopping etc. And what should I contribute? How does one calculate a contribution towards the expenses when all our lives together we have had split income, split financial responsibilities. It is only the past 7 years that he has 'taken care' of me financially. I have always been fiercely independent.

Our days differ so much and he seems to think that I have loads of time on my hands. My day is not like his. He gets up, focusses on the job from morning to night.

My day starts with a domestic side to it. Then my job has to be fit in inbetween the domestic chores. I may go to see a client and on the way back quickly pop into the store to get groceries, or pick up the dry cleaning, or pick up the gardener and still spend 2 hours helping him in the garden, etc etc. I am sure those women out there who are trying to run a house as well as a business will understand what I am saying. It is not easy juggling all at the same time.

His son hardly ever does anything in the house. If the garbage needs to be taken out it has to be pointed out - every time. I don't want to discuss what his son should and should not do around the house because 'have been there, done that' and it is like a brick wall as far as my husband is concerned. What I would like to say is: My husband came home unexpectantly this afternoon - shortly after his son had arrived home from school. I heard the loud music from his son's room and then the screaming and crying of sorts. I drew my husband's attention to this and said he must see what's going on. Apparently his son had a fit of depression or similar. His son says that he does not feel that he belongs.

In my opinion, in order to make a child feel part of a household you have to do things with them (not watch TV together every night), do some kind of activity and those kids must have chores/responsibilities in the home. Otherwise of course they will feel lost and have a general feeling of not belonging!

I know I am waffling a bit - perhaps just needed to get it off my chest...

I suppose in short: our financial situation is bothering his much and he feels I should help out. The problem is that he is demanding it, not asking it.