My mom just died in December. We had a very strange relationship. It was like she was always jealous of me.

As a young adult (this is embarrassing and hard for me to reveal, but you can imagine how I felt afterwards) she had a yearlong affair with an ex-fiance' of mine. I have never felt so betrayed. And we're not some trashy family either.

Then, she got sick, and I didn't have the love in my heart to take care of her as much as I should have. My grandmother (control freak) swooped in and took over. My mom used to turn everyone against each other.

Today, my aunt slipped up and said she is so happy that we are closer now, because my mom used to say bad things about me. Then she tried to say she didn't believe them, but that was her reasoning for not being close with me for all those years. She bad mouthed my dad too (they were divorced - she was unfaithful but of course didn't own up to it - made him the bad guy to the whole family).

I think my mother was very narcisstic. She was an alcoholic as well. But since I was the one who sought counseling, was on antidepressants, etc., I was the crazy one.

She used to call me names (horrible cuss words), then get me all angry and screaming/crying, then call my grandmother and say "listen to what I have to put up with".

Somehow, I did love her, but it was never right. And now she is gone.