It does take a lot of conscious effort, for sure. I VERY POOR impulse control - once threw my trashcans off the side of my house, Stone Cold style. Oh those were the days! But it isn't easy to be positive or nice if you're in a negative environment.

I agree with Panda....empathy is great! I used to be one of those nitwits that would be all bent out of shape and aggravated about how I was being treated without realizing that the other person might be going through the same stuff I've been through for years. Here's what sort of works for me -

Find joy and peace in small things - cooking is always fun and something that is low stress......because burned bacon is just as good as chewy bacon!

These days, I build models in my workshop instead of drinking myself into oblivion. That teaches me patience, I can listen to my favorite music, and get lost in time for three or four hours. It helps me stay centered.

I also try to practice mini meditations at work where I just focus on my core and breathe for a few minutes.

Finally, I try to find good in every day. Where I live, it is a gloriously sunny and cool day so I have thought about it all morning. It helps my attitude which can vary greatly on any given day.

Practicing "mindfulness" is also very helpful to me but sometimes I get lost in the moment and I lose my place.