Since this post, I have just had one of the most positive sessions with my T ever and I have been thinking. Maybe if the T wasn't for us, there would not be uncertainty, maybe if they were completely wrong, we would know immediately that it was not a good fit. Maybe there is not a perfect T as no T is a perfect human being, and maybe "good enough" is OK.

Maybe there are some core things that need to be there, like consistency, commitment, and for me great patience, but the rest is all stuff to work on in the T relationship.

I know I could cut off from T and walk out without blinking an eye, however this is my pattern in life and maybe the pain, SI etc. that kicks off in therapy, is just an indication of T actually working and getting past those defences that we (clients) have been so used to using to get through life the "Yes I am OK thanks" defence, that hides turmoil below it.

Yes I could cut off and get through life in a very superficial way, but today acknowledge that I stay because I want more for myself.