I remember last year I really had trouble with my birthday because I was suicidal and hated the thought of having survived yet another year. So I understand your struggle.

I read you saying you've tried a lot of meds and talk therapies, have you considered/tried ECT? It's the only thing that's done anything for my depression, even if it's only just a tiny bit.



Edit: There's another thread in this forum by newgal2 about ECT if you're curious.