I'm never going to get better.

I know that is black and white thinking. But it still feels real.

I'm so worn down from 6 years of fighting this and struggling to continue on with my life in spite of what I am dealing with.

I'm exhausted.

I wish I could get to some breaking point. But I won't. Definitely persistent depressive disorder aka dysthymia. No high, no severe low. Just there. All the time. Can't shake it. Nothing has helped. Acupuncture, therapy, medication, life changes. Nothing.

Told my boss I would like to step down from my management position the other day. Maybe that will help. But that brings less money as well...so not really a positive change. Just can't handle being a boss and being graduate school anymore.

I'm so tired. I don't know how to help myself. My poor husband...I love him and I'm attracted to him but I don't ever WANT to have sex. If he can get me to, I love it. But it's like talking a bank teller into giving you the money in the safe. Ridiculous. I just don't want to.

I think I don't want to get better and that's why nothing works. But that's called a thought distortion. But I also, again, really feel like I am just doing this to myself.

So tired.