Always remember that nobody else's opinions matter. You shouldnt worry about what people think of you when you are out and you definitely shouldnt let yourself be bullied. Im sorry that you went through that growing up. Its truly awful. But now the things from the past are making you crazy and anxious. Don't let the bullies win. You survived it! You are better than they are because you don't do the things they did to you. Go out and have fun. Get that dream job! Do it because you matter and you deserve everything you want out of life. Get your happiness. You matter.