Hi Zayabean, I'm really sorry things are so hard (harder than hard, right??) for you right now
But there are people on here who are going to know and understand what you're going through. And I'm glad you've had the strength to tell us about it, that really is a big step, because you know you deserve more than this, right??
And maybe (soon??!!) you can use that strength just to start by telling at least one other person IRL, or/and move onto telling your doctor, because I'd say you're right that your meds probably need to be looked at again.
But for right now...........is there anything you might be able to do that might help just a bit?? For example by trying to focus on something that might give you some "distraction", finding something to do that might give you some "comfort"..........???
And if it's real tough, maybe you could try a helpline..........I know that might seem like it would take too much effort or be too hard to do, but they can be really supportive. Just another option.
But don't forget we care, and we're still here for you if you need us, if you want to talk more.

Alison