I feel your pain and frustration and I understand that losing a loved one is very difficult.I have been where you are and even attempted because the pain was so great. I was with my ex for 5 years and was going to propose to her. Then I found out that she had done te unimaginable and I walked out. This was a woman i intended to spend my life with and even had and lost a child with.

But here is the good news. It gets easier as time goes on. It really does. Right now it feels super painful because you had a lot of things happen at once but as time goes on you can use the things that you learned in that relationship to pursue a relationship with someone who is going to love you for who you are. Two years ago I thought my world was over. But now I am married to my best friend. All you can do is urge yourself to move on. Nobody is worth you keeping yourself in pain for.