Why can't I just man up? I have never been this paranoid on Abilify maybe because there's a reason to be.

I don't even know what I'm getting anymore from the dealers. Why the hell did I do this? I drank too much coffee. I impulsively bought 8 packs of smokes, I'm almost broke, I'm still using my data to calm down. I've been having a conversation with these guys for 6 full hours but I've never been this social since I was 12 and it's obvious to the nurses. They will kill me. Getting hydromoph contin or what ever they said it's a bit street and not pharma but maybe idk idk if I should drop out I'm shaking violently I'm paranoid that they staff is against me and my friends I accused them of having knives in their pocket.