Stop trying to have sex. Be intimate. Start out saying we are not going to join. But we are going to explore intimacy together.
Sometimes exercise or yoga can be a good start followed by a shower. Then quiet music and being with each other with no possible interruptions.

Backrubs on each other can release a lot of tension and anxiety. You do not need training just trust your hands to be gentle.

Being near each other without any touching or light touching to non erogenous zones.
After 15 minutes or a half hour maybe more playful flirting with each other.
Touching can lead to the woman's climax several times.
Any stage along the way may be a place to stop. Asking each other if you are comfortable can be a gateway to trust.

If you think of someone who may have been emotionally abused, then seeing your partner in that way may deepen the relationship.