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isabella71199 · 05:52 AM

I’ve been wondering what is going on with my mind for awhile now, and I can’t seem to find an answer. I guess I’ll start where it began – in 7th grade. That’s when I started self-harm. I was 12 and I don’t even remember what was happening to me. Either way, my parents ended up finding out in a matter of months and I got into a lot of trouble. They wondered if I had depression but didn’t bother testing me. I stopped self-harm for a month or so, then started again when 8th grade hit me.

Possible trigger:

Things were going all right, but that time of my life was still sort of a blur. It wasn’t until 9th grade that things got really, really bad. That’s when I was very suicidal for about 5 months and I was self-harming worse than before. I did try to kill myself multiple times that year. I was then sent to counseling where I wasted an hour of my life every week. I also took a depression screening test while I was there, and my mom had gotten the results but kept them from me and everyone else. I guess I kind of just faked my happiness until everyone thought I was okay. Since I was 12 (when I started self-harm) I have always had the same kind of pattern with depression – some days worse than others, yes. I will (and still do) go through periods where I am just completely depressed and I have no energy to do anything whatsoever.

Those last from a few days to a few weeks (depends). I will also go through periods where I am just unbelievably happy and excited about everything in life. Same with the depression, they last from a few days to a few weeks. Sometimes I’ll be really crabby and angry out of nowhere as well, but that usually accompanies the depression periods. When I’m not in depression or extreme happiness I am just fine. I’m not extremely depressed but I’m not really happy either. And other times (mostly when I’m in school) I’ll get these really intense mood swings. Like I’ll be extremely happy and excited and bouncy out of nowhere for a few minutes then I’ll just have like no hope for the future the next second without warning. Then I’ll be extremely hyper and sarcastic with everyone the next minute. They usually only stay extremely intense like that for a few minutes then settle down after a bit, but are still existent. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in 5th grade and I currently take medicine for it. I just want to know if this is like depression, or if this is like bipolar disorder, or am I just a moody teenager?