Ok, as the title mentioned this one is climbing high on the crazy scale. I have ALWAYS wanted someone to care about me and want to keep me safe even if i knew they couldn't always be there.

At the same time, i have noticed that for at least a long time, i have a 'want' to be attacked and/or hurt. I don't understand why but i was watching one of those crime shows and they found a torture room and i immediately stopped what i was doing to look at the torture items and felt a desire to be hurt.

I honestly don't get it because i hyper focus on my surroundings and situations to make sure i can stay away from anything dangerous but then have thoughts and even dreams of being hurt.

I haven't told my t this stuff as there are soooo many things on the table already. He wants to start working on ptsd in a few weeks. I don't know that I want to add to the chaos by mentioning this or see if it settles as we work on the ptsd stuff.

Just wondering if anyone else does this. I sure relate to a lot of the things said on here but I haven't read anything like this before.

Let's see.