(((MusingLizzy))) I'm so sorry, it does sound like your T is handling this pretty *awfully*.

I don't get why she's telling you to not talk about it anymore? That would actually be my first concern - T is supposed to be a place where we can talk about what WE NEED TO. When something's bothering us, or hurting us, we are supposed to be able to use T as a safe place to discuss and process it. T is also supposed to be a practice relationship where we get to address our needs and talk through them. Clearly, you need to process this more, to talk through it more, and it's kind of crazy to me that your T is saying, "Nah, that's not important, let's just drop it and get on with the other stuff."

Can you try telling her that, regardless of how she feels, it IS important to you, and you need to talk about it, over and over again, until you can get to an OK place with it? Do you think she's hearing and understanding how much she hurt you?

As far as the holding, I totally get how comforting that would be, and how crazy it would feel to have it abruptly disappear. If I were in your place, I'd have a really hard time believing that I wasn't being punished for something, or that I hadn't done anything wrong . So, I'm sorry that your T isn't doing a better job of explaining WHY she's doing this, and of helping you feel like it's NOT your fault - there's nothing wrong with you, and you haven't done anything wrong. (She should really be doing this, especially since you're clearly expressing to her how much pain it's causing you!)

I don't know if any of this helps... but sometimes knowing more of the technical reasons can maybe ease the pain a little..

Did you ever see this from "Attachment Girl"'s blog?
Why your therapist SEEMS cruel, but really isn?t | Tales of a Boundary Ninja

It's a really good article on how when a therapist comforts us when crying, it can actually mean we don't process the emotion, so we don't heal. I absolutely *hate* this (!) - and honestly - it's part of why I haven't cried yet in therapy, because omg! Who wants their therapist sitting silently across the room just *staring*, even if they're trying to project empathy, but she explains it really well...

Again, I'm sorry . It sounds like, no matter how well-intentioned, your therapist isn't getting what a huge effect this has had on you, and is expecting you to just suck it up and get on with the program. But life doesn't work that way, neither does therapy! You deserve to have all the time and space that you need to talk through this with her, as many times as you need to, and she needs to get on board with that!