Sorry to hear you are indeed feeling this way. This can be a crippling perception.

Perhaps this could be som semblance to you, but as a kid I was this way. I was 5'2 as a guy until my junior year of high school, and when I graduated I was 5'11 but only 120 lbs.
I got picked last in gym, and being small made me an easy target plenty. In a lot of ways, I shared your feelings.

I realized in time, though, such feelings only serve to stand in our way. Life does change, as do you and your body.

I started working out, took a medication called periactin which helped appetite. Was able to gain 45 lbs of muscle over time.

I worked on my socialization too. People want you to talk to them, and it takes practice to get good but it's something within the grasp. If I could come as far as I did, so can you. No point letting these debilitating feelings hold you back forever.

If the depression is too strong, however, and anti depressants have been unsuccessful, I've heard about doctors performing ketamine infusions. I know NY, NJ, AZ and many other states are doing it with great success.