Quote:
Originally Posted by guilloche
Soccer Mom: " Apparently it's a struggle for T's to keep people in therapy who have Childhood Emotional Neglect."
Huh! Wow... that's really interesting. I wonder... I definitely have a background of neglect. I wonder how that plays into all this. Do you think it just makes the attachment hard? Makes it hard to believe T cares (I struggle so much with this!)? Or something else? Maybe... for me, I just feel like I've *always* had to do *everything* myself, alone. There really hasn't been anyone that I could "lean" on or depend on. And honestly, I'm not at the point (after 9 months!) that I feel like I can really "count" on my T yet. I don't think that's his fault, but I don't know how to deal with it either.
Very interesting to think about though... I might ask him about this. Thanks.
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I have a VERY VERY VERY hard time with attachment. I seem to be ok with friends (if you even call that attachment) but I have fought it with my T. the entire time. I have told her I don't want to be close to her, I don't want to need her, etc. Then, the next session I'll be upset that I missed her, etc. It's a constant push/pull. And, she won't say "attaching to me is ok". She's fine with it but she wants it to happen like it would in another relationship, I guess.
OMG - I just told my T. for the billionith time last week that I want her to tell me she cares again. Were you there? LOL She has told me once but wants me to see it in her actions more than listening to her words. It really pissed me off and I think I'm still mad about it. Because I have a hard time seeing it and my mom's actions always said the opposite. My other problem is when my T. is direct, I equate it to her being mad or frustrated. And, I guess I do that with everyone even though people say I'm direct.
I was also taught to be independent. Actually, you could say I was taught not to need anyone. I couldn't even say "need" in the beginning. I'm going into month 12 with my T. but had seen her off and on for 5 years before for problem solving. In those first years, I NEVER thought about attachment, had feelings for her or anything. I didn't care either. After my mom died, everything changed and has been so uncomfortable.
There's a website about Childhood Emotional Neglect and the creator wrote the book Running On Empty. I have my session today and feel so indifferent. I was actually thinking I want the transference and crazy feelings to go away. I'm tired of wanting what I can't have.