I am afraid I don't know yet how it feels as I am striving to be securely attached and not dependant. I would have said before my rupture that I was securely attached but now I am not so sure. Before the rupture, I had internalised t and could feel safe knowing she would be there and not let me down or abandon me. Our relationship was good and she was always honest and willing to risk self disclosure and to offer extra support when needed. I felt like for the first time I could rely on someone to be there. Now I know that she wasn't perfect but I could accept her imperfections and see her as human, capable of making mistakes but I could differentiate her mistakes as mistakes and not deliberate hurt towards me which was a huge step in my recovery.

With my other ts I was hugely dependant. I wanted them to fix my problems and rescue me. They responded by obliging and taking my power away. I couldn't make a decision without consulting them. I regressed back to a little girl. Current t helped me integrate my childhood needs into my current self and to find a way to integrate all of my needs and accept them as my needs.. We would talk about them and discover where they came from and why they are so strong right now. What was missing from my life that these needs weren't being met. She helped me become dependant on myself by trusting myself and not others. I am not sure if this helps or makes any sense.
I sense you being hard and judgemental on yourself soup for not knowing the difference after five years with your t. It's good that you have awareness and are asking yourself these questions because it shows your willingness to participate in your own healing