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Originally Posted by msjblonde
I'm struggling with this very thing with my own T right now. Not the sexual orientation thing because that really wouldn't make a jot of difference but the rest of it I think really does. I've come to realise that knowing exactly nothing about mine other than her name has really caused some roadblocks, I'm continuously having issues learning to trust someone who can make me feel I'm not deserving enough to know even the smallest of detail about them. I'm struggling to share the deepest most painful parts of myself with someone I know nothing about. And yet on the other hand I have somehow become so very attached to this non person and that in itself causes pain.
Your t making you feel humiliated for asking something about them? I can't see how in the world that can ever aid the therapeutic relationship.
To answer the OPs question, I haven't asked  she wouldn't tell me, she wears a wedding ring so I assume from that she has a partner which could be of either gender. |
msjblonde, yes, I agree. You touch on important issues and they've been brought up here a number of times because I think many of us struggle with sharing so much with someone who has barely shared anything with us. How intimacy and trust "normally" develops is based on mutual sharing of more and more personal stuff with the other person, more intimate details, as we gain their trust (and they gain ours).
This is a central issue for me. Even in my friendships, I've been reluctant to share about me. Because of my relationship with mom (with whom I had a stronger intimacy than with dad who was more distant), who would gain my trust and be so loving and supportive but then when a certain mood would come over her she would tell stuff to dad or others, I have become extra cautious and little paranoid about these things. It's been to the point that my friends would say, directly or indirectly, that the relationship is not going anywhere f I'm not gonna share more.
So it's very difficult with a therapist. I keep worrying about misuse of what I tell them, getting manipulated, and essentially hate my powerless position. When my therapist would say that we are equal, I would laugh at that, in my head. Equal how? My therapist has a big file on me and knows most intimate things about me and my family. What I know about her can't even fill half a page. Information is power.
It used to be argued that a therapist needs to be a blank slate. But some therapists, especially nowadays, don't buy into that anymore. Yet those very people won't share much with you either. To me that's for them to protect themselves, not because it's therapeutic for the patient. If real mutual connection is what's therapeutic, let's have it. Tell me enough, and slowly more, as we earn each other's trust.
But since this is not going to happen, given that therapy is a professional service and follows rules that are not just about what's therapeutic (there are legal, ethical, practical concerns too), we have to find a way to trust them without knowing much about them. And that's a challenge, especially with a therapist who is ultra cautious in sharing anything at all, and worse, makes you feel bad for wondering about it, being curious, or wanting to learn more about the very person who is asking you to trust them with everything.