You did a good job of explaining everything and you've been honest about your role in the breakdown of the relationship. I'm sorry for the pain you feel. You are trying to get an ocean of need met through a relationship. I hope someday you have a relationship that meets a good part of your need.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand - it sounds to me - was with you mainly to meet his healthy young need for regular sex, preferably without a lot of strings. So you see how this was an imbalanced relationship. That's why he's the one walking away . . . because it's easier for him . . . because he's not as dependent on you, as you were on him. Don't confuse yourself with stuff about how you violated the high value he places on honesty. And don't trust his version of what things were like with those two other girls who did not meet his high standard of honesty. This is his little game that keeps him on the moral high ground - in his mind. Honesty is not what he's all about. Using women for risk-free sex is more what he is about. But because he's so honest about not wanting cumbersome ties, that's supposed to make him a stand-up guy. He's not.

Call the pharmacist and get clear instructions on what to do when you forget a birth contol pill. I never heard of taking two pills together. Maybe you're right about that, but check. It's easy to misread all that fine print. Until you are in a very committed relationship, understand that not getting pregnant is pretty much on your shoulders. Men aren't going to worry too much about it. A man working on a Master's degree IS going to worry about having to pay child support to a woman he's not married to. That's going to worry him A LOT. He's got a plan for his life, and sending a monthly check to some woman for 20 years is not in the plan. So, if he has the slightest fear that you are going to make him a daddy unexpectedly, he will be out of there fast. And men aren't going to slowly explain that to you. He's not that honest.

When you started worrying him about the possibility that you might be pregnant, you were looking for the concern a committed man would show. You were forgetting that this relationship was not at that level of seriousness, or maybe you were hoping for reassurance that it was.

When you possibly being pregnant didn't elicit a caring response from him, you thought maybe suicidality would move his heart. Instead, you got a reality check from him about how he's not there to be your rock.

The good news is you haven't lost as much as you think you have. He didn't stop deeply caring for you because you messed up. The truth is he did not deeply care for you. You badly need to be very cared about, but you're going to have to find that when you find it. Because you're very young, it won't be hard for you to find men who want to have sex with you. What is going to be awful hard for you is understanding that coming around for sex means absolutely nothing , in terms of commitment.

You can't compel a man into caring for you in a committed way. Not by being "possibly" pregnant . . . and not by being suicidal, or at risk for self-harming.

Find a mental health program to be part of that will give you therapy and crisis intervention. College boys with raging hormones are surrounded by liberated young women available for sex. Understand that when a guy says his academic program is his priority, he is telling you that the sex is casual, and he's not looking for any responsibility.

You are probably going to keep getting hurt by guys looking for casual sex, because you want more than that. You probably need to avoid men who flat out tell you that a relationship is not their highest priority at this time.