Thanks I left her a message, and it was as rambling, disjointed, and confusing as I had feared it would be. I guess now she will have a better sense of what the anxiety does to me (not that that was my goal, but hey, I'll take what I can get). I did tell her I didn;t want to waste our limited time on that stuff, but I didn;t know who to ask for help, or even what to ask for. Maybe we can brainstorm a bit tomorrow without taking up most of the session.
I tried to write some stuff down also, but it's as scattered as this post and my message to her... just trying to remember to breathe.
She doesn't access her vm outside the office, but I'm ok with that. The clinic has a crisis line if I really needed someone in the moment.
My head is still spinning despite listening to over an hour and a half worth of meditations and trying to center myself. I hate that my panic gets stirred into such a frenzy that I stop making any progress at all on anything.