I sh'd for the first time in weeks last night, and now all I want is to do it more. and I want to destroy my body, because if there's no body, there's no worries or flashbacks... and the sh brings relief. the blood is comforting. I feel in control an calm and like things are supposed to be that way (I'm "supposed" to sh)...
I have not explicitely talked to this T about my sh much, but part of me wants to. I'm not sure if that is because it's very related to the csa stuff we talk about, or because I want a distraction form everything else. It's hugely shameful for me, and I am not really sure I want her to know (though she could look at the notes from previous T at this office and find out the location).... I dunno... I'm not really sure how to bring it up either, or if I even should.