I've been encouraged to write my whole life, from parents to pdocs. They still encourage it.

I wish I had someone who could just come sit with me so I am not so tempted to do any damage but everyone is over me or at work, besides my partner who is at work for another 5 hours so there is no point burdening him with how I feel when there is nothing he can do about it.

I hate that coping is all I can do. Im sick of coping, I want to stop coping and man up and end it so this all stops.