I know how hard it is to keep all those really strong emotions in your head and let yourself feel them. Instead of shutting down, could you maybe journal about what you're feeling? Even just writing down the emotion words - upset, hurt, scared, etc... - just get them out of your head. And, maybe, could you let your closest friends just know that you're going through something rough and you don't want to lose them but you're pulling away a little bit?

You are NOT disgusting, but I do know how that feels. In another post you questioned whether this is an eating disorder, and I think most therapists would class it as such. I can tell you what has helped me to avoid the urge to binge...maybe something will jump out at you as helpful. The urges are usually strongest for me in the evenings, so I try to have some kind of project ready to work on that will completely engage my hands and my concentration. I tend to binge on specific foods, so I try to avoid having them in the house. I will make a shopping list and force myself to stick to it, even reviewing it as I'm checking out and asking the cashier to put back things that weren't on my list. I make a daily menu which includes small snacks in the afternoon and evening - and I do not allow myself to deviate from it. If I do start to binge, I'll accept that it happened, but not beat myself up, and just resolve to try and do better. I will text a friend or my T if I am really, really struggling.

I really don't see it as a weakness. You are overwhelmed - yes. You have a history that triggers these feelings - yes. You're trying your hardest to find ways to cope, even if they aren't healthy. But, unlike in the past, you recognize that they aren't healthy and you are asking for help, even if right now it's just here on PC. You're doing something different and better for you.