hi tigercatt
i applaud you for writing this letter and getting all of that out. my letter to my father was ten pages long. t had brought up writing it but said it wasnt a good idea for me at the time. i did it immediately and sent it off for fathers day. t didnt mention it was one of those letters you didnt send.

the good girl, the child that strove to be the perfect daughter, had just done something very very bad that was going to make dad very very angry. i was very ill at the time. four months out of a nervous breakdown and trying to stabilize on meds, manic. i completely lost it. started hallucinating that people were grabbing me and trying to harm me. in the end i got locked up against my will. i was devastated.

but writing that letter was the best thing i ever did for my recovery. it was the turning point. eventually the flashbacks, the depersonalization, derealization and the hypervigilance went away. i was able to move forward in treatment and cope with life again.

I hope this letter is as healing for you as it was for me. take care.