oh god. oh god. oh god. ive done something ****ing awful.

i am having a panic attack. i am going to try and write all this out so it makes sense.

Right. So, i harmlessly googled my therapist. I found a domain site that had her website name on, and on the domain was a male name and her ADDRESS. This male name, after some googling and searching the address, turned out to be her HUSBAND.
Okay, so i'm pleased to finally find some info on her, so far everything is good. Right. Then I google her husband, and I find a blog. It is a blog that he wrote while he and his wife (my beloved therapist) were travelling.

Here's where it gets horrific.

Then I find a picture. Of her and a little girl, the girl laying on her lap. Their family. A little boy.Right now, I'm like OH MY GOD. I always thought my therapist had NO children. I have MASSIVE ****ing maternal transference for her.

Now my heart is pounding, I am shaking.

I am absolutely heartbroken.

I can't describe the devastation. Realising that my therapist, who for so long I have valiantly told myself is CHILDLESS in a vague attempt at comforting my maternal transference, IS A MOTHER.

I know I walked right into it. I was so STUPID to Google it, I was so STUPID to go after her husband. For some of you, this may be no big deal. But I am devastated. I can't describe the effect this has had on me.

Oh my God. I don't know what to do. It feels like my heart has literally been ripped from my chest. As I go further and further on this blog, I find more information about my therapist and her family.

Please, please be kind with me. I am in a state of complete and utter shock. I know I never should have Googled her. I have done a terrible thing. And I am ****ing heartbroken.

I don't know what to do. I am a bad person. I can't bear this. She has CHILDREN. In my head, she is my mother.

I can't do it.

I'm not sure if these kids are her children as they are with her sister, but her husband states 'parental responsibilities'. they do have children.