I can relate so strongly to everything you say, particularly about the chemistry. I never would have admitted that the chemistry was due to transference, because it felt so very real, but my eyes are starting to be opened to how much of it was maternal transference due to my mother's death (yeah, weird right? Male T and ET to boot) He mishandled it, and I'm having to let that go.
I know your T hurt you much worse than mine did. Are you still planning to report her? (sorry if I've missed a thread I haven't been on here much)
I think you have to know inside yourself that contacting her is harming you and care enough to change it before you can stop. I really hope you do, because you really do deserve better.