Easy, 8's. You are not horrible, and you did not do anything horrible. Try to let that go. Yes, you Googled her. Yes, given that there was information out there that could possibly hurt you this much it was probably a bad idea to Google her. But you did it. It's ok. It's done. And it's not a horrible thing to do by itself. I have Googled. Many of us have Googled. Try to let that part go, because you're hurting enough from what you've found.

I think it would be good if you could contact your T right now. It seems like it would help you to come clean, and to not let this spiral out of control in your head.

I get feeling totally thrown and heartbroken by this. Yeah, sure, it's kinda nuts, but everybody's kinda nuts. Hell, I KNEW my T was married, and I still felt like curling into a ball and dying when I accidentally came upon a picture of his wife on the interwebs. How's that for crazy?

It seems like you will never get past it now, BUT YOU WILL. You will find a way through this. Your T can be a "mother" to you while having children of her own, just like my T can be loving toward me while having a wife.

It sucks, though, and I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know you were heard, in hopes that feeling heard will help you come down a little bit.

Can you call your T?