hankster i appreciate the tough love but she isn't just a random person to me, she's the first person i ever disclosed my past to, she has saved my life and is the only reason i am still alive, she wouldn't want me to off myself which is precisely why i want to do it now, i am completely heartbroken and i don't see any reason to live. i've literally just come out of hospital and have been trying to rebuild my life and this is the biggest, most agonising blow to me.