If it is so bad you can't get through tonight can you go to A&E? I know it's not ideal, but I hate to think of you being at risk of harming yourself. You said yourself that you are too blinded to see straight, so you know that the sui thoughts aren't part of straight thinking. They are not the kind of thoughts you can trust and act on. If you are not safe, please don't take a chance with your life.
Remember the Samaritans number above could be a first step