I think it can be very hard to figure out what's transference vs. what's non-transference feelings for a T. I have both some paternal and some erotic transference for my marriage counselor, which I shared with him about a month ago during an individual session scheduled for that purpose. I had assumed we could meet again for an individual session in order to continue talking about it (didn't think it was a one and done conversation), and when he seemed reluctant to do that, it just...crushed me. I mean, I acted fine in there, but I completely melted down when I got out of the office. It felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. Left him a sobbing, rambling voicemail, and we talked briefly about it on the phone the next day, then later in an individual session that he offered me.

He was trying to figure out, from all that I said in my message (I went on for like 5 minutes or something), what parts were more the attraction/erotic/romantic and what was more paternal, I think in the hopes of helping me understand why I had such an intense reaction. After discussing with him (and thinking about it), I think I realized that it was the transference element that was causing me such an intense reaction. Like, it wasn't just about *him*, it was also stuff from my past, like my childhood, past romantic relationships, etc. So really, transference can be *more* intense than what you might consider to be "real" feelings.