I don't know how you do it. You manage to stay positive for everyone. And write things that take a lot of time. And I know you put in a lot effort.

I wish I could do that too.

I feel like I push people away when they try to ask. Then when they don't ask, I feel lonely. This is the mistake I make. And it makes me negative. It makes it hard for me to stay positive for other people. When all I feel is selfishness for wanting something that I keep denying myself anyway (if that even makes sense).

That's why I feel stupid. I feel like a failure when I admit I know exactly what I am doing wrong, yet I still do it anyway.