Thank you Stopdog, I appreciate the thoughts.

No, it's not the going rate. It's much higher. I appreciate that he still does his own therapy, he works on himself, he still sees a supervisor (even though he has like 30 years of experience), and he's much less defensive than any of the others I've seen. I don't think he's a bad T, but I'm starting to think it's a bad match - either me and him specifically, or me and therapy in general.

I haven't seen 30... but I think he's like #8 or so, and I've talked to some others. I really find it hard to find good ones. Most of the ones in the past were recommended to me, but still not good. I saw one (for 2-3 sessions) who was VERY defensive. I asked her a question about how she does therapy, and instead of answering, she told me that she had been a therapist for longer than I'd been alive! I can't work with someone who gets that defensive over a simple question.

I saw another for 3-4 sessions that was very pushy. He kept asking about my relationship with my ex-boyfriend (how physical we had been). I told him pretty clearly that I wasn't comfortable with the question (on the FIRST visit!) and he kept pushing and rewording it. That doesn't feel good or respectful or helpful to me.

My T admits he can be a little pushy, but he also has learned from me to back off and not push when I tell him that I'm not comfortable sharing. So, I appreciate that.

I just feel like it's not going anywhere. If it were cheaper, I could see sticking it out and trying, since he's not the worse one I've seen. Or, if he had more experience with dissociative stuff, and understood my stuff better. But I hate that we're never on the same page, and that I don't really feel understood at all.

I absolutely think he's good for some people, and that he's a good guy, but at this point, I just am not seeing much hope that it's going to help me at all . I think I can learn more from reading books and figuring out my own stuff by my self!!! (He joked when I was talking about how badly someone else's T had handled something, I said, "well I'm not a T, but..." and he said, "well, you're sort of halfway there")

I will sleep on it and think more this week. I have to go next week and get my book back, and honestly, I want a good, clean ending - so I'll try to talk to him about it. I think that's something that would make me feel better than just ducking out, since he's really tried to help. But, I just don't know that I want to continue at this point.

Thanks...