Thanks for your response Christina,

We are currently seeing a therapist together (largely for insurance reasons). I'm not very confident in the therapist though. She doesn't seem as educated and professional as my therapists have been. We're both vaguely aware of DBT but I'm not sure where we would have access to DBT classes. Is there a good way to search for this sort of thing? Thankfully she is taking responsibility and working on it. In fact in the last 2 months particularly things have gotten easier. The tough times are just as tough but are less frequent. I'd say the new pattern is a 3-4:1 ratio of good days to bad, whereas it used to be more 1:1. I have made an attempt to educate myself about BPD. I am a biologist so the reading hasn't been hard for me, but it does seem that much remains to be discovered about the nature of this disorder and that the symptoms are highly variable.

At times I have wondered whether my hours are destructive to our relationship but the data doesn't support that hypothesis. Sometimes I have weeks where I work more like 45-50 hours and those times are just as difficult. If anything they have been more difficult. I can't be sure that's not just coincidence, but I don't think more time with her is what's needed.

I really wish I could convince her to go out and meet people. I go to tons of parties, conferences and other social gatherings and it's extremely rare that I can convince her to join me. It seems to me that she would be happier if she had more people to talk to.

Thanks again!