LOL sunny.

Eating would drive me nuts. I had a T who kept stick pretzels in his desk drawer and would pull a few out from time to time. It made me feel out of place or invisible... Soooo boring he would have to snack to stay awake!

I think I would have been somewhat offended by the tech call and would have been feeling sorry for myself that I didn't have his focus and attention the whole time. I would have felt time-pressured in my responses and it would have been disruptive and too distracting for me.

However, once I had a psychiatrist I liked a lot who used to be horribly late routinely, but it didn't bother me because he always had all the time in the world for me no matter how late he was running. And he gave free samples sometimes and told me once that often he ran late because he had been talking to pharmaceutical reps to get the free samples.

So I guess it just depends.

But, yesterday... In session we were talking about repression and about anger (I claim to rarely feel it, but really I rarely admit to it or acknowledge it as such, I think) and speaking my mind. Her cell went off. TWICE! It's gone off in one or two previous sessions too. She answers and says I'll have to call you back. This time, the call was in the middle of something really difficult and important and it totally interfered and ruined the moment. Trying to get back to where I was, it rang the second time.

She was quick that call, too, and when she was done, I told her "That is REALLY interfering". When I said that, she said "That's my emergency cell.". (Meaning I guess, "YOU have called on it!") and that one call was "about a medical appointment for me.". (And now I wonder what she has going on medically that she told them to call her on her 'emergency cell'!!)

I just said. "I think I'm done for the day." and handed her her check. I would have denied feeling angry at that point; I would have said I was leaving because time was nearly up (10 minutes left) and no point in getting into something. She asked me to stay and talk about it, got me to admit to feeling angry and we talked about that. I told her "This is MY time!". She did say she would try to accomodate me. (now I feel angry AND critical).

Time was up. I left very unsettled. I had been angry and critical and I thought she seemed perturbed. I worried she would not want me to come back and realized there was no "So, 3:00 next week?". Ended up calling her cell on the bus, couldn't hear it ringing so I hung up. A few minutes later it rang and it was her; I still couldn't hear on the bus and told her I'd call her when I got home. Before I got home she called again and I (you guessed it) couldn't hear but I was only a few blocks from home and finally called her when I got home. Twice. On her cell. After the first call I felt like she was upset with me and had to call back and ask her if she. (I would have stayed distraught and worried all week).

So anyway, what a session about anger, repression, and saying what's on my mind.

Oh, and I did mention the pillow and how I felt and it kind of fell flat. Oh well.