Please don't beat yourself up so much, ThisWayOut. You're doing the best you can with the current circumstances. Even my T told me once... sometimes things are just *crappy* (he used a stronger word). Then, you just do the best you can with what you've got - that's all you really can do.

Have you ever been able to try a T that does EMDR by chance? I haven't, but I've seen some people talk about it - I just wonder if it might be helpful as a quicker way to help with some of the flashbacks? Just a thought, I'm probably not telling you anything new.