That's got to be tough. I've never had to deal with a mother-in-law, but I've been close to some women who have, and it can be the worst. Maybe not being around her for a while will be the best thing . . . even if it's a good long while.

Like Christina, I don't know that anyone can really fix this. Your husband needs to get his head on straight. He probably shouldn't have repeated the sick conversation to you. In fact, he probably should have told his mother to STOP when it was clear she had nothing but bad to say about you. I suspect that a lot of this is rooted in her not having all that much respect for her son. I'll bet he's had some issues of his own over the years with her. But it sounds like she's got the upper hand and is more dominant than he is in the mom-son relationship. That's a hard thing to have against you.

I believe a husband's first responsibility is to his wife. His mom's duty is to be polite and appropriate toward you, whether she likes you or not. Likewise, you really have the duty to be polite and gracious toward her, for the sake of your husband. You have no obligation to put up with being abused by her. And your defender should be your husband. So, as is said above, see if your husband can man up and get on the same page with his wife. Maybe he has, and that's great, if it is.

Meanwhile your poor child is taking in all this stuff, and that's not what a kid should be trying to process. Help her with that as best you can.

A grandmother's access to a child is totally dependent on the consent of the parents. It is not her place to discipline a child or evaluate a child's behavior.

So, for now, just stay away from this woman. If you feel you need an apology before you can be in her presence again, I would understand that.

The main problem here, though, I suspect, is between son and mother. She does not respect him, and it would seem he does not command respect from her. Lots of in-laws don't like each other, but they put up with each other for the sake of their mutual loved one. But there are limits to what you can tolerate.