It does sound like you are slipping. I know that feeling. I'm currently off the rails a little myself, trying to reign it in before I fall fast. It is terrifying.

At least you are now aware of it. That is a good start. Can you share this with your pdoc or T soon? It really needs to be addressed as things can fall apart really quickly. It matters to me that you hang in there. We are all here for you! I wish I had better advice but my brain is a mess. hopefully someone else will drop in with some wise words.