Stopdog, did you find these women attractive initially or did they only become so to you after you got to know them? I wish that I could meet people the way you have. I really do think that it is preferable to know people first, in a platonic capacity. It just so happens that there isn't anyone I know in that way that is 1) lesbian and 2) even marginally attractive to me. The last time I did meet a woman naturally-- as part of an academic group-- after 2 dates, she had some personal issues and I ended up quitting the group because she was behaving do weirdly around me afterwards. So, then I was out a date and a group. Other than her, it's been years since I found anyone in my circle attractive in a romantic way. You're also right that it is a lot of pressure to have being in a relationship as a "goal." I try not to think of it that way. It's really that I never was part of a "family" growing up and have always wanted to be part of a "family." I really want kids, and I think it would be much easier to do so if I had a partner. I would also like the companionship. I don't need it, but it would be nice.