Quote:
Originally Posted by TheletterA
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this or not. I've always felt a strange feeling of being alone and immediatly depressed when I see a group of people hanging out in public, working out together, or in online pictures. It doesn't take much for me to be happy then very sad and bitter.
This has only gotten worse once I graduated from college recently. Now I avoid going out at all, my dream job that I was supposed to have fell through and I've been stuck in this perpetual feeling of being a loser. It has come to the point I avoid going to any family parties, dinners, etc. I just stay at home. When I'm at home I feel alone, but when I'm in public I feel lonely and sad.
I grew up being severely bullied, and have always had a terrible outlook on myself about my image and have forced myself to be thin. I am currently seeking to get rhinoplasty too. My nose is not bad, but I always find myself worrying about it when I am in public. It is only worse when I see a group of jock type guys hanging out. I feel much worse about myself from being unattractive and alone.
I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm not handsome. I'm 22 and look 14. There are no defined facial features or anything. I'm also very short and it's impossible for me to gain any muscle even after spending money on personal trainers.
I hate living like this, I want to feel good, but I cant. I don't know what will make me happy.
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I get how you feel.take life one day at a time, and conversations one sentence at a time. slowly, you'll be able to come out of your shell of anxiety. You don't have to start a convo around people, just be there, as a third wheel or fourth wheel or an eighth wheel, it doesn't matter. just be there and smile. go for a run in the morning, when you are feeling up for it, you'll see that it brings a lot of positive changes in your thinking.you can't be happy within a split second, if you did,then it wouldn't be happiness. Rome wasn't built in a day. so, step by step you can get out of this too. You're young, you've got years ahead of you to conquer your dreams. your dream job may seem far away now, but success tastes better with sweat, and bitter without it.
you're not a loser, everybody is insecure about something. you'll see that if you just observe people from a distance and think about it.
so don't worry. call someone you're comfortable with, and just ask them how they are, what they're up to, or just say hi, and hang up. it takes a lot of bravery to do even that, you are capable of that and lots more.
be brave.
