I've been wondering that myself, 8888. My father was a violent man, my brothers were violent (to my mum - as well as me, my sister and each other) and the oldest one sexually abused me for a number of years starting when I was 8-9 years old. My whole immediate family was completely dysfunctional, neglectful and abusive. My sister told me that my oldest brother had claimed my mother had done something to him as a child, but I don't speak to my brothers so I don't know if this is just second hand information. I told my t for the first time about what ny mum did and she talked about lack of bodily integrity and a 'trauma' response. It's not clear cut to me why she did it or whether it was abusive or 'wrong'. And yes, I mostly didn't need to go, she didn't care and would take me anyway. I've never been able to ask others what they honestly think, because I think it's such an unclear case. I maintain though that if this were a male I would be more convinced of the nature and intent of what was happening.

I value your opinions, would it make a difference to you if it was a male?